I remember a dream I had once when I was a young girl in high school. It was strange and influenced by a song, Daniel, because I couldn’t sleep alone and the only company I could find was in the arms of late night radio. I was in a bar, old and familiar to me even though I had never really been there. The dark, clean wood floors and furniture left whispers in my subconscious of home. Not a physical house but a home, a safe haven.
In the dream bar I was floating, watching the scarce crowd mingle, and consume their daily vices. Lonely men and women, like me, in the arms of their inanimate companions. Daniel was playing in the background, quiet and floating with me as if it too were a being. The way that I was meandering through the air was as if I were Scrooge and I was only being shown this establishment, not really there and not able to make contact with the lone souls on the bar stools.
We glided up a small set of stairs into the topmost room, a small dank space that felt the safest out of all the rooms it housed. The room was empty, nothing hindering the words of the song from reaching the ceiling, pressing against the walls and bouncing back gently to my ears. It filled the room while I only stayed in one place. Slowly I began floating to the center and was softly set onto the smooth floor boards, there but not there. I felt as though I was supposed to be waiting for something or someone, I didn’t quite know what, but the feeling sat heavy in my stomach and danced on the tip of my tongue.
All at once I was weeping. Soft whimpers fell from my lips, melting away into the music. As I was crying I felt as though things unknown were resolving themselves, an inner turmoil that I was unaware of was calming down.
I soon began to cry harder in loud sobs and undignified snorts. I thought that I should be worried that I would catch the attention the bar patrons, but I knew that they couldn’t hear me in their sad little worlds.
I felt a hand on my shoulder gently pulling me backwards. I wasn’t frightened because it felt like the hand of a close friend or lover. I was leaning with my back to its chest; its arms snaked around my waist in a loving manner. I could feel a steady heartbeat against my spine that was slowly calming me down, bringing me into a state of much welcomed numbness. I rested my head against their shoulder and closed my eyes relishing in this overwhelming feeling of God knows what. They stroked my hair sweetly and whispered words into my ear that I didn’t fully understand but I knew they were meant to comfort me.
